When writing articles about chivalry, romance, and relationships – one tends to learn quite a bit about people from comments, emails, and messages.
One of the things that I have learned is a prominent issue, is the male race’s avoidance of kindness for fear of being seen as “just a friend.”
I’ve been there, gentlemen – and it’s not fun. I can relate.
But, here’s the thing: You can still be a good guy, and be taken seriously by women. The trick is to not be seen as a pushover, otherwise known as “the nice guy.” This brings about another interesting term, “the friend zone.”
Many claim it’s a mythical area that doesn’t exist, but those people have never been in a situation where a woman has permanently defined them in her mind as a sort-of-kind-of brother figure. It happens, and it sucks.
So, how do you project that you’re a good guy, while still being seen as a potential romantic partner?
Don’t be a doormat.
People, for some reason, hear chivalry and think that they are required to be at a woman’s beck and call. She says jump, you say “how high?” This, obviously, is not the case.
Part of being a good partner is being a support system for your woman. Helping her where you can, doing things for her because you care, taking extra steps to make sure she is happy – but it’s imperative to not sacrifice your dignity in the process.
The majority of women don’t want to be with a man whose ass they could kick. Have some pride, man.
Make your intentions known.
That’s right. You’re a man, and it’s time to start acting like one. If you continue to “court” a woman, but she doesn’t actually know you’re courting her, then you’re setting yourself up for failure. Most women understand the fact that men are interested in more than friendship with them, but if you’re not assertive enough, odds are you will miss out.
To quote Ryan Reynolds in Just Friends – always kiss her on the first date, because friends don’t kiss.
Exude confidence.
(Notice I didn’t say arrogance). The reason why some win and some lose at the dating game, is often tied to just that – confidence. It takes confidence to approach a woman in the first place. Confidence to make your move. Confidence to convey your feelings to her. Confidence to be secure enough with yourself to be romantic without feeling like you’re sacrificing your masculinity.
Confidence to be yourself.
Your confidence will be your foundation for success in relationships, and in life. Work on this first – and then move forward.
Present yourself properly.
Basic 101 information – without some sort of mutual attraction, there can be no start to a relationship. Dress up, clean up, man up, and show women that you’re worthy of their attention.
If she’s not attracted to you, how do you expect something intimate to grow from that beginning?
Take her on a damn date.
Of all of the above points, I dare say this could be the most important. Without a date, you may not get the chance to even show your woman of interest, anything else mentioned in this article. A date is your chance to show her who you are (Make sure you show her the real you from the get-go, don’t send some representative who you don’t intend to be forever).
A proper date, be creative, put in effort. Show her that you care enough to take the time to plan something.
Pick two things up: Her from her place, and the bill for dinner.
And never forget the words of Ryan Reynolds from above: Always kiss her, because friends don’t kiss.
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New Chivalry Movement 
James, now you have to do a write up about getting out of the friend zone!
I agree with this and I would like to add my own thoughts from a woman’s standpoint. Many men “friend zone” themselves and don’t know it: by talking about other women they fancy, or by saying things on the first date such as “I will always love my ex wife/ girlfriend / etc”. These are red flags to women because we believe what men tell us. Only a woman with very low self esteem would get involved with a man who talks about other women. Also, men who resentfully refer to themselves as “nice guys” also raise red flags. Being an “alpha male” is entirely attitude and any man can avoid being a “beta” – sort of what you describe in your post on confidence. It’s an attitude any man can achieve. Keep up the good work, this blog is full of great advice for men and women.
Couldn’t agree more. I’ve known too many guys who I have friend-zoned because they wouldn’t man up and do anything about their feelings. I want someone who is driven and ambitious and knows what they want and will work for it.
I think a lot of men would be surprised at just how open women are to dating them, if only they would seize the opportunity when initially presented.
Nice read, I just passed this onto a friend who was doing some research on that. And he just bought me lunch since I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that Thank you for lunch! Whenever you have an efficient government you have a dictatorship. by Harry S Truman. gecafadeakde