This – is never a question I thought I would find myself asking. However, I have learned about many different viewpoints in the world after writing previous blogs on the topic of chivalry and respect, and I find that many of them are opposite of my own.
Chivalry, by definition, is as follows:
Note: Courtesy, generosity, and valor – in particular.
I find, when the occurrence does happen that people are ‘offended’ in some way by chivalry, there are some consistent reasons:
Women tend to feel that chivalry is outdated, and even chauvinistic. That it was born in an era where men did these types of things for women because they didn’t feel that the woman was physically capable of doing them. Perhaps hundreds of years ago, this was the view.
In modern day society – not so much.
Men feel as though it will put them in the ‘nice guy’ category, or the friend zone. These men, I’ve found, have not yet experienced a mature woman who appreciates integrity and dignity in her choice of a partner. That, or they have gone overboard in the past. Being chivalrous does not mean being a doormat.
Chivalry, to me, is about respect. My girlfriend has a master’s degree and has traveled the world – for me to open her car door or pull out her chair because I literally don’t think she is capable of doing it, would put me in a class of indescribable stupidity.
I do it because I care. Because I respect her. Because I want to find small things throughout the day that I can do, that send her a message. And any man worth his salt – does these things for the same reason.
Chivalry, as I’ve stated before, is manners. It’s politeness, and it isn’t only something men do for women.
Next time you see a man hold the door for another man, he is being chivalrous. Next time you come home from work and your significant other has dinner and wine ready for you, they are being chivalrous. Next time you see a parent carrying something for their child, they are being chivalrous.
Chivalry, I would argue, is not the enemy of equality – but a catalyst of it. Respect for others. Treating people right. Showing them that you care.
I’ve already pledged my efforts to lead the charge of The New Chivalry Movement – where I am dedicated to being polite and doing nice things for people, man or woman, on a daily basis.
So – do not be offended by kindness, for you will slowly strangle it in modern society. Do not be intolerant towards those with good intentions, who want to help you – not because you need it, but because they want to. Do not infect the kind-hearted with negativity and skepticism.
Simply embrace one another, and see chivalry for what it is – the mark of one human being performing a small act of kindness for another, with good intentions. There is enough negativity in the world, celebrate the positive.
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7 thoughts on “Can Chivalry And Equality Co-Exist?”
I love how you always focus on doing the right/kind thing b/c of who YOU are, not b/c of who the other person is. I think that is absolutely the right attitude for everyone to take, regardless of gender.
On point! I want you to know you are doing a fantastic job and a great service to our community. I would imagine it must be difficult with all this criticizing and skepticism going about, but press on! You have the right idea and a gift for expressing it. Given, not everyone appreciates your effort, but that doesn’t make you wrong. We are all subjugated to have our opinions and attitudes, but I personally value your opinion and appreciate you putting it out there. Have a good one, sir!
The problem with this is that it is taken from a male perspective of masculenity and not from a viewpoint of equality when a woman opens a door for a man she is being kind when a woman has supper on the table it is considered normal If a woman moves a man out of danger she is being protective these are all things of how women do things for the men we love but it is masculenity which has to be removed for equality to be true as equal actions in all situations is the measure of equality. I haven’t even started on when the man goes home early to take care of the kids so the female can keep drinking with the girls but that would be chivalrous!
Reblogged this on MadeleineMaya.
great stuff. thanks for keeping chivalry alive. vw
This post is fantastic. I’ve become a pretty avid reader of your blog and I really appreciate your attitude toward not only women, but people in general. Being a genuinely good person is quite a nice quality to have. In the end, that’s what equality is about. Appreciating and respecting others. It’s amazing how basic it all really is.
Finally see this article (although I know this was not new article), at least as a gay man myself, this is at least fairer. Chivalry should be gender. If chivalry only about “you can get her phone number”, “girl can see you as gentleman”, etc, off course this “reward” cannot be applied to gay men (and lesbian women). But I still curious what many people only advice about women to be “gracefully accepted” but not men. Will straight man “gracefully accept” if another man (gay or another straight) doing chivalrous things to him?